Wednesday, May 23, 2007

in re: Last Friday

A few words on last Friday's post. To the few of you who emailed me or mentioned the topic of on your blogs, I thank you for the feedback. Jeff, over at Resonating Journey had some good points and insights into the more positive side of the matter. Definitley, check it out.

I believe I may have offended some by my generalizations of gay relationships. That was not my intention, nor was making anyone in a new or newly formed relationship fear they are destined to a life of infidelities. Perhaps I wrote too hastily that "EVERY" gay relationship at one time or another has to face such a situation. Maybe there are some out there that never will. I hope that is the case. After all, there is no worse feeling than discovering that you've been cheated on. I don't wish it on anyone. I think it would be safe to assume that fooling around is the downfall of a great majority of LTR's. For most that this happens to, it means the end of their relationship. When it happened to me, it was no different. I immediately declared it to be over. We had been together for about two years at the time. He had gotten drunk at a party, ran into a guy he used to know, and one thing led to another. The grapevine has alot of bare patches in Nashville, and it didn't take me long to find out. It was not an ongoing thing, but nevertheless, it happened. Due to our financial status back in 1999, he couldn't afford to move out anymore than I could afford to kick him out. We kept separate bedrooms for a while. As an attempt at revenge, I hooked-up with a guy I knew, and made sure BF knew. It was stupid and juvenile. Having sex with another guy did not, in the end, help with my true feelings. BF knew he made a mistake and that he hurt me deeply. We were still, however, very much in love. We ended up working things out, and have maintained a strong loving relationship ever since.

I didn't mean to come off in my post that he and I (or most gay couples) are some wild & crazy swingers who try to fuck other people whenever we get the chance. Its not like that at all. I can count on half a full hand, how many men I've been with in the past 9 years, as can he. By no means are we in competition with each other over sexual escapades. Definitley, not at all fuck-buddies who live together. Understand though, that after nine years with the same person the mental connect gets better and better, but the physical hits a plateau. You go from having sex every night the first year, to once or twice a week, if that, in year 9 (again, not everyone). I know what some are saying..."well, that wouldn't happen to us." Maybe not, but don't judge til you've been there that long.

So, what happens when the physical excitement just isn't there like it once was? You've tried role play, toys, bringing in a third, anything you can to spice it up in the bedroom. Its all fine and dandy, but again, gets old. Do you just throw away the relationship? ----"I love you so much, but you're just not doin' it for me in the sack, please pack your knives and go".---- No, of course you don't. You stay together and continue to have hot boring sex every now and then. So, if your mate happens to get a bj from some guy at a conference in Seattle, is safe and honest, and will never see the guy again, do you just toss it out the window? (honest and safe being the key words). Well, maybe some guys would. I personally, at this stage of my relationship, do not feel like its a threat to his and my bond. Now, if I found out he was making a habit of it or actually "seeing" someone (as in anything more than a one time meeting), the story would be completely different.

Of course, I know not EVERY relationship will encounter cheating, but I see and hear that many many, in fact, do have to deal with it at some point. Some end it there, some get by it and persevere. It's all up to the individual couple. And truly, I hope it doesn't ever happen to any of the readers here. I do not ask, nor expect anyone to agree with everything I write about, but please do not condemn or judge me as a bad person for my thoughts on certain matters. Really, I am a kind, loving person. Again, I agree that my post was harsh, negative, and a somewhat depressing generalization, but hey...at least it got a few of you talking.

3 comments:

Jeff said...

Hey Will-

No worries -- no offense taken. I like the honesty...very refreshing. It sure beats the people that can't talk about their mistakes. Glenn and I have talked about what would happen if one of us cheated and I agree with you 100% - sticking by one another after realizing it was a mistake is important. I just hope that you don't hold grudges or try to upset one another based on the fact that one of you made a mistake. My advice would be to move on and try to do better next time. It's always good to have an ideal to strive for and deal with the problems as they come.

Enough about that though. It's great that you're sticking with each other. That's what a commitment is truly about!

Best-
Jeff

Rick Rockhill said...

nice post. I can understand and relate as well. I'm in a 7 year relationship, and yep, it does get exactly how you described it. I vote for the stay together and work it out. An innocent "Seattle" situation is reasonable...in my view and I wouldn't freak out if he did it. Anyway, I like your blog. Stop by and say hi sometime. you seem cool.

www.rickrockhill.blogspot.com

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