in re: Last Friday

A few words on last Friday's post. To the few of you who emailed me or mentioned the topic of on your blogs, I thank you for the feedback. Jeff, over at Resonating Journey had some good points and insights into the more positive side of the matter. Definitley, check it out.

I believe I may have offended some by my generalizations of gay relationships. That was not my intention, nor was making anyone in a new or newly formed relationship fear they are destined to a life of infidelities. Perhaps I wrote too hastily that "EVERY" gay relationship at one time or another has to face such a situation. Maybe there are some out there that never will. I hope that is the case. After all, there is no worse feeling than discovering that you've been cheated on. I don't wish it on anyone. I think it would be safe to assume that fooling around is the downfall of a great majority of LTR's. For most that this happens to, it means the end of their relationship. When it happened to me, it was no different. I immediately declared it to be over. We had been together for about two years at the time. He had gotten drunk at a party, ran into a guy he used to know, and one thing led to another. The grapevine has alot of bare patches in Nashville, and it didn't take me long to find out. It was not an ongoing thing, but nevertheless, it happened. Due to our financial status back in 1999, he couldn't afford to move out anymore than I could afford to kick him out. We kept separate bedrooms for a while. As an attempt at revenge, I hooked-up with a guy I knew, and made sure BF knew. It was stupid and juvenile. Having sex with another guy did not, in the end, help with my true feelings. BF knew he made a mistake and that he hurt me deeply. We were still, however, very much in love. We ended up working things out, and have maintained a strong loving relationship ever since.

I didn't mean to come off in my post that he and I (or most gay couples) are some wild & crazy swingers who try to fuck other people whenever we get the chance. Its not like that at all. I can count on half a full hand, how many men I've been with in the past 9 years, as can he. By no means are we in competition with each other over sexual escapades. Definitley, not at all fuck-buddies who live together. Understand though, that after nine years with the same person the mental connect gets better and better, but the physical hits a plateau. You go from having sex every night the first year, to once or twice a week, if that, in year 9 (again, not everyone). I know what some are saying..."well, that wouldn't happen to us." Maybe not, but don't judge til you've been there that long.

So, what happens when the physical excitement just isn't there like it once was? You've tried role play, toys, bringing in a third, anything you can to spice it up in the bedroom. Its all fine and dandy, but again, gets old. Do you just throw away the relationship? ----"I love you so much, but you're just not doin' it for me in the sack, please pack your knives and go".---- No, of course you don't. You stay together and continue to have hot boring sex every now and then. So, if your mate happens to get a bj from some guy at a conference in Seattle, is safe and honest, and will never see the guy again, do you just toss it out the window? (honest and safe being the key words). Well, maybe some guys would. I personally, at this stage of my relationship, do not feel like its a threat to his and my bond. Now, if I found out he was making a habit of it or actually "seeing" someone (as in anything more than a one time meeting), the story would be completely different.

Of course, I know not EVERY relationship will encounter cheating, but I see and hear that many many, in fact, do have to deal with it at some point. Some end it there, some get by it and persevere. It's all up to the individual couple. And truly, I hope it doesn't ever happen to any of the readers here. I do not ask, nor expect anyone to agree with everything I write about, but please do not condemn or judge me as a bad person for my thoughts on certain matters. Really, I am a kind, loving person. Again, I agree that my post was harsh, negative, and a somewhat depressing generalization, but hey...at least it got a few of you talking.

Cant take the excitement

God, I can't believe its Wednesday (going on Thurs) already. Ive been terribly busy with work and the week is flying by. I'm glad, but I wouldn't mind work slowing down just a bit. All this talk about the housing market going bust..well, you could've fooled me. Ive closed more new home purchases these past two weeks than I did the whole month of March. And with all the refinancing going on out of ARMs, life has been nuts. Nashville has definitely not seen the bubble burst. Fortunately, I have been able to squeeze in enough time to make it to the gym a few times a week.

The past weekend sucked for the most part. BF was out of town. I played around in the chat rooms, but as I had guessed, nobody worth even talking to. I ended up studying my spanish and playing scrabble online instead. Saturday, I got up early (for a Saturday), cleaned the house, ate an early lunch (a leftover half of a steak sandwich and a chicken empenada). I then went to REI to try and find a new pair of sandals as my Birks have about reached their time. Ive always worn Birkenstocks, but am thinking about a change. I'm looking at a pair of Keen. They have several styles I like, but haven't committed to them yet, so Im still shopping around. Also went to Borders to check out what new books they had. Nothing I couldn't live without, so I just read magazines. Saturday night poker sucked. I kept getting dealt great hands. However, someone else would always one-up me. I was so pissed. On the first hand, I got dealt a pair of aces in texas hold'em, so naturally made a large bet. Ended up getting beat by 3 threes. Story of my night. After about 2.5 hours, and 3 buy-ins, I left with a $200 hole in my pocket. On the upside, my best friend gave me an eighth of the funk-bud to make me feel better (it's nice having friends in the biz). I came home, toked a little, and went to bed.

Sunday, went to my sister's house and cooked brunch for Mother's Day. It wasn't bad. Drank mimosas and ate too much. Afterwards, just came home, washed clothes, trimmed Ivy and weeded the flower beds. BF got home from E. Tn. we hung out, he talked a lot about his crazy family back east, we went to dinner, and that's about it.

Oh, and on a really good note...Adios Jerry Falwell!! Rest in hell, Mother Fucker!!! (is that too harsh?)

Ain't life grand?

Finally Friday

Ahhh, the weekend at last. I only worked four days this week, but it has seemed like forever. Nothing major on tap for this weekend. My oldest sister will be in town with her hubby and my nephew for Mother's Day. It will be nice to see them. I think we'll probably be hanging at my other sister's house since it's closer than my parent's and has a pool. Sunday we'll do brunch. I'll do the cooking ( I always do, since I used to do it for a living). I'm fine with that as long as my sister keeps the mimosas pouring.

BF is heading east to see his family, so I have the house to myself this weekend. I always think I'm going to hook-up with some cutie while he's gone, but it rarely, if ever, happens. I surf around on gay.com or manhunt, but it always ends up in me just getting someone's hopes up and then deciding I want nothing to do with them. I'm such a chatroom tease. I've only messed around with 2 other guys since BF and I have been together. One was while we were on a "break" (not dramatic like Ross & Rachel). The other time was last year when BF was in CA. and I was 3 sheets to the wind and extremely turned on. Luckily we're honest in our relationship and I told him about it. When you've been together as long as we have (almost 9 years), you realize an occasional trick is just sex, and not the other looking for a new bf. Some guys in fairly new relationships think that is insane and that it will never happen to them.....yeah right, just wait. It happens in EVERY gay LTR, like it or not (unless you're both just so butt ugly and no one would dare touch you). If you don' t think you could handle it, save yourself the trouble and stay single. Feel free to debate this matter.

I know of a few tricks BF has had in our time together while he's been on the road. As long as he's safe, I can't blame him. Sex is sex. It sucks until you finally accept that fact. Life is not kind, so ya just gotta roll.

Anyway, I'll let y'all know how nothing went later this weekend. Hope it's a good one for everybody. Peace.

Aqui, otra vez

Well, after a much needed break, I am back behind the keyboard. Aside from the last few games of the Stanley Cup Final, I'm done with hockey until October. With the series loss of the San Jose Sharks and the NY Rangers, there is not one remaining team that I care about in the NHL playoffs. I honestly didn't care about the Sharks either, but they were the ones who knocked out Nashville, so at least I could have said that we lost to the Stanley Cup champs. Now we just officially suck as a playoff team. Such is life.

I can now focus my spare time on more important things. One thing I'd like to do is find a Spanish speaking friend, whether online or in person. As I mentioned in the last post, BF and I are heading to Buenos Aires in November, and I'm trying to sand the rust of what little espanol I know. I took 4 years of honors Spanish in high school, and was actually pretty good at it for a pot smoking teenager. But that was a long long time ago during which I replaced a lot of that knowledge with learning German. Anyway, Id love to meet a cool guy to practice the language with (preferably one from Argentina who knows the regional colloquialisms and can help me out). My old textbooks can only useful to a degree. Yes, I have tried the gay Spanish chat rooms, but you know how those conversations go.

Anyway, we've chosen our lodging already, a nice modern loft in the Recoleta neighborhood with a nice balcony to enjoy the warm air. November is the heart of springtime down there. Coincidentally, we found out that Pride Week is scheduled for the same time we will be in town. From what we hear, it is the largest Pride Fest & Parade in South America, rivaled only by Rio's festivities. We are really excited now. We are also trying to decide what side trip(s) to take. If anyone has spent time in B.A. and has any suggestions, please let me know.

I hope I still have some readers, after my brief hiatus. I will try to post at least once a week, and more often if the need arises. Life has been rather mundane lately with little to share. Hopefully that will soon change with summer quickly approaching.

Oh yeah, by the way, my new tenant is in fact gay and has perfect credit. Yay!!!! Hope everyone is doing well!!